breath

Mind is a maze of unfinished thoughts, strings of questions and uncertainties. We fly down the road in newly fixed trucky after a week of thanksgiving and family and revisiting my house. There is no music on, only our minds working, gnawing on something. Gnawing on life. I closed a bank account. I picked up my last financial aid check. I visited some of my favorite people. I presented my masters project.

I question whether the faculty thought it decent work or just wanted me out. I felt jealousy and disgust at some of the lengthy praise of the other projects. I couldn't tell if it was just my mind malfunctioning after finally presenting a year and half worth of work, or if her presentation just had too much information to understand. Post presentation party was more like a class reunion that included family members, all but my own. My mom left after my presentation to avoid the icy roads over the pass. My dad couldn't get the time off work. Jules and Andrew were my support crew.

Andrew helped me rescue my giant Ficus tree from Lawrence hall, my last tie to the building I used to be fond of. That building makes me cringe when I get near it. We shook off the dead leaves, made a cover for its pot and carried it to the elevator. It looked sad. We pulled trucky around back and laid it down for the long cold ride to California, covering it with blankets and sleeping mats to protect the branches.

Trucky started running worse and worse. I could feel the tension in the car for the last 1and a half hours as Trucky's engine fluttered, misfiring. We babied it the rest of the way, listening carefully to the flutters and rattles and bumps and responding as best we could. We unpacked all our stuffs. The last one out was Ficus.

We unwrapped its base and filled it with water after placing it in the backyard with the redwoods. The leaves perked up in the warm breeze, a breath of fresh air after 3 years of Lawrence hall.