Resolve

My birthday last year was officially the Worst Birthday Ever.

When we were young my mom would go out of her way to build us cakes shaped like Cabbage Patch Kids from scratch. She would surprise us with little fun gifts and my parents would decide on an appropriate piece of outdoor equipment (usually) for my sister and I on our respective birthdays.

As my sister and I got older, my parents would ask us what we wanted as our interests became more and more specific, but the joke gifts like clam sauce or terrible glittery shoes that used to be my grandmother's would still accompany our 'real' present. We would often pick up the boxed cake mix on the way home and gifts were rarely wrapped. And this was all fine by me. I do remember two birthdays (13 and 16) for which my friends banded together for small gifts and a special cake and quality play time. These were two of my favorite birthdays because though it was not extravagant, it was thoughtful and it made everyone feel good.

I think it was because of my family's laid-back view of how to deal with birthdays and Christmas and any other holiday or event that usually involves surprises or gifts, that I had become a very inconsiderate friend. Birthdays were backburner and usually involved many thoughts about what to make or do for others but I never carried through with my plans, not even for my parents or my sister. A phone call? yes, maybe. A card?, less likely. A box cake? Probably, if you live in the same house or are already planning an event. A present? Usually late and only if you are in my immediate family. Thoughtful? No, not at all.

And it didn't feel good. Though I recognized this, I didn't know what to do about it or how to be better at birthdays.

Last year I spent my birthday feeling overweight and alone and depressed at my sisters house. I was there to help her out of a particularly bad slump, though I was pretty depressed myself. I spent the day paying bills with money I didn't have, waiting for any of my friends to even send an easy email card. Nope... That night, one of my best friends bailed on my birthday dinner with my sister, which I had to plan. but the shitty part? The really shitty part? No one remembered my birthday except my parents, I spent it alone, or so I thought.

A month or two later I received a package from Jenn that was sent from New Orleans a while before my birthday. It felt good just to be remembered, just a few words on a map of new orleans and an aardvark and some cock flavored soup.

Since my official Worst Birthday Ever I've been slowly working towards being a better friend in this category. Admittedly I've failed a few times already and this is frustrating and embarrassing.

But today is Andrew's birthday. And this time I hope I do it right.