son of a preacher man

I could go into detail about the Meet the Parents week. I could elaborate on the time spent with his brother and brother's in-laws and nephews and playing on the playground, or visiting Monticello, or the barbeque with his friends from UVA that was forced indoors during a wonderful thunderstorm that lit up the sky and soaked the ground. I could explain the great time spent in Ashville, NC with the scary-fun-crazy-threatening-engaged-female-best-friend, or his sister and his parents and his nephews and the home where he grew up and the boat rides. But those stories are for other blogs.

The thing I've been thinking about most is much bigger. It is one of the two things one should never bring up in mixed company.

I am dating the son of a preacher man, the brother in law of another preacher man, a brother to his very strict Christian sister. The one thing that scares me most about this is that I've had too many bad experiences where families manipulate one another to prevent them from making the 'wrong' decision.

One of the things on my perfect man list: similar spiritual beliefs. He is still perfect. He believes in the great lessons that religion can teach. He believes in community and family and he genuinely cares for other people. He always strives to be the best person he can be. He does not follow any organized religion. He does not judge his family based on their beliefs.

I may have a very limited understanding of Christianity in general but I know a little something: it is not about judging others. One of things I find the most difficult to understand is why so many Christians judge others. She isn't Christian enough, she is dressed in such and such a way, she is going to Hell, she is "blinded by Satan". Isn't that for God to decide? Isn't it our job to love thy neighbor? This is a principle of Christianity that I do believe in. I believe in caring for others, in attempting to be as non-judgmental as possible, in respecting other's beliefs and backgrounds and experiences. (Which sounds hypocritical out loud as I am judging others based on their ease of passing judgment).

It seems to me that many people are caught up in the details of religion and forget to live by the basic principles. Many are too busy judging and forget to love and forgive and be thankful. And it really must suck to think that your loved ones might be going to Hell. And it really must suck even more to focus on that thought so much that you forget to love those you believe to be blind.

His parents are the people who live by the basic principles of Christianity. They are open and loving and caring and non-judgmental. They are generous with their time, energy and resources. They are open and honest and wonderful people.

On Sunday Mr. Preacher Man lead the service. I did not take communion. I did not sing the hymns, I did not recite the prayers, but I did listen. I listened for the parts that we have in common as humans. I listened for the stories and history and principles that brought those particular people together on that particular day. And I listened for what I wanted to hear: the basis of living by a religion. And nearly 2/3 of the way through the service there were a few moments of exactly what I was looking for.

Three children walked up to the front and sat before us. The woman standing with them asked them each to name one things that made them happy that day or the day before. She said: When you talk to God, you will want to have something to say. A good way to start is to be thankful for the things that make you happy, for the people that support you. Each day write down three things that you are thankful for. Thank God for these things.

I'm not one to believe in said God, however, I do believe in being thankful for the things that make us happy, for the people that support us, for the privileges and opportunities life presents us with, and for the beauty in every bug's wing, every leaf or vine, every rock or rollercoaster. I am also thankful for the hard times because they give perspective. And each day Andrew thanks me for at least 3 things, 3 things big or small, when we crawl into bed at night. And I want not only to be thankful for these things but also to thank those closest to me, to let them know they are loved and appreciated.