psych evaluation

I suppose I'm due for some shitty cards, as I've had some amazing luck in my life, especially in the past 5 years: the Grand Canyon, grad school, teaching fellowships, great friends, international experiences, a perfect boy...

I'm normally a glass is half full kind of girl. I almost always look at the bright side, even if I briefly complain about the bummer side for just a few seconds. But I have to say, I'm getting a bit down, and once again nightmares of Boulder are coming flooding back. Not from the relationship perspective, but from a financial and emotional perspective.

I find myself filling my days here figuring out how to make money. I could pawn some jewelry, sell some outdoor gear, or have a garage sale, even though I know this would make my parents angry. I look for jobs online and in the newspaper and in the windows of stores. I look for envelopes in the mailbox, hoping tenant's rent checks or utility checks have come so I can cash them and contribute something more than pasta for dinner. I shift money around in my accounts to avoid bouncing checks. I keep hoping the fastcash button on the ATM will just give me a free $40, but that doesn't seem to be working either. My parents are the fastcash button. And I hate that feeling.

So, today I applied for two more jobs: one in my field, and the other in the toy industry. I was giggling at first. Thinking how silly it would be to be stocking shelves with toys in a corporate chain store on the strip in Santa Rosa. I would laugh my way though the day helping customers find GI Joes and Barbies and bright red and blue trikes. Then as the application process drug on and on.... and on and on..... I began to wonder about my decision to even apply. They wanted to know everything about me. They wanted to know whether or not I agreed/disagreed with the following statements, or whether I strongly agreed/disagreed with them:

* You have friends, but don't like them to be too close

* You act quickly without worrying too much about whether you are doing the right thing

* Many people cannot be trusted

* People are often mean to you

* There's no use having close friends; they always let you down

* You give direct criticism when you need to

ummm... Is this a psychological evaluation? For an off hours shelf stocking job at toys r us? They asked me three times if I was a criminal. Twice if I was a citizen, twice again if I was eligible for foodstamps. Then this:

The information in this section will enable us to perform a Criminal Background Check prior to finalizing an offer of employment.
	*Note: the existence of a criminal history will not automatically disqualify you from the job you are applying for.

I think the FAFSA is a shorter application, and less probing. I think i'm more scared of Toys r Us at this point than the government.