The other one

After the time in Charlottesville, we headed to Ashville NC to visit Andrew's best friend from UO. I went into it with as much of an open mind as I could muster, knowing that she wasn't super psyched that I would be there, and knowing that they are super close, and that she is good crazy, and well, female.

I went into the first night with a bang. I knew I needed to be comfortable and confident, and so we all went for food and drinks. Then more drinks. And we joked around and played pool and they teased me about going to church with his parents. And by the end of the night we were buddies ganging up on Andrew.

But by the morning our buddy factor had gone, and she was again staking her claim.

Just a week or two ago a partner in crime (PIC) and I were discussing male-female friendships and our theory that most male-female friendships involve one person being attracted to the other this may or may not have been a factor at some point in time, but as best friend had a boyfriend at the time nothing ever happened.

She was definitely staking her claim on his attention and presenting their closeness to me as women tend to do. I am guilty of this as well. I have done it. And I don't think the underlying truth is that this behavior is always caused by your attraction to the other, but by the feeling of closeness being threatened by someone else that may be close as well or getting closer. But as PIC and I were discussing, it doesn't feel good to stake your claim on the attention of the man in the middle. It doesn't feel good to make someone else feel less close or pushed away. And so, the other option is to make the other woman feel comfortable. To make sure you aren't threatening. She didn't back down, it isn't her style.

And to some extent I don't think men GET this. But I also think they probably enjoy this.

And it brings out a ridiculous jealous side of me that doesn't really hang out with me very often. And I hate it. I hate that someone else can make me feel jealous. I hate that I am finally in the position that Tim was 4 years ago. I hate not feeling as confident as I usually am about relationships. Because I've been where Andrew is. I've been where best friend has. I've not been here.

But I know how I reacted when I was in the other two places. And I know what drove me away from Tim in the end. And that scares me even more. And so I've made it a priority to do everything in my power to stay on the confident, non-jealous understanding side of me. But it is harder than I thought it would be.

But Ashville was beautiful.