my motivation is orange

Car payments scare the shit out of me. Somehow my mortgage does not. I can fill my house with great people that help me pay it. We split utilities and garbage and share the bounty of the garden. Yes, waterlines may break or the floors may be scratched. A fire could take it all, or a leak could cause some damage. But my house has been standing for more than 80 years.

But the bottom line is, my house does not fly around on 4 wheels at high speeds narrowly missing other houses and other crazy drivers. If I fall asleep in my house, it just stands and creeks and keeps the raindrops off my brow. The people zooming up and down the street do not seem to pose too much of a threat.

I keep having nightmares of people hitting my car, keying my car, breaking into my car. This could be a crazy overreaction to the fact that I've had some not so great car luck in the past few months, and the reason I have a new car at all is because the magnet was totaled. This was never an issue before. I owned a beater car whose value would not change if someone hit it. Trucky was never shiny or new. It never looked like it had anything valuable in it.

Needless to say, this situation has hit some nerve that has sent me into high gear.

High gear seems to include jaw clenching, sleepless nights and ceaseless urges to apply for more and more jobs. I applied for multiple coffee shop jobs, and a UPS job and a seasonal wine industry job. I applied for more landscape architecture jobs. All in one day. then i started eating mac and cheese for every meal. Then I went camping.

I had two interviews this morning at coffee shops, and I am now unofficially an employee at one!! I also agreed to at least one bike tour this week and possibly a few more in the next couple of weeks. And car payments still scare the shit out of me.